


Together Or Not At All

by emperorwrit, phalanges mccoy (emperorwrit)



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: AU, Angst, Don't wanna use archive warnings cause it'll spoil it, M/M, No one read this beforehand so it might have typos or suck, Nonlinear Narrative, The Drift, UPRISING WITH A TWIST, Uprising Spoilers, mild horror elements, sad as hell au, shrug emoji
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-28 23:42:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14460378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emperorwrit/pseuds/emperorwrit, https://archiveofourown.org/users/emperorwrit/pseuds/phalanges%20mccoy
Summary: They should have never drifted with the Kaiju brain.





	Together Or Not At All

"There you are, Newton."

Hermann gives the biggest grin he can manage--- one that doesn't reach his eyes.

"Oh, hey Herms! You were looking for me? Well, you found me, buddy."

"I always am."  
\---  
Hermann's fingers work gently along the collar of Newton's dance shirt. They'd just spent hours dancing in the lab. It had been only the two of them in a meandering twirl, meshing atoms and cells together like nothing else mattered in the entire world--- all to the slow siren call of Billie Holiday. 

"Herms," Newton whispers, arms wrapped around the neck of the taller male, "you look good tonight."

Hermann bristles for a split second before a smirk crosses onto his lips. He pulls away, grabbing his coat. It seems as if he's going to leave before he says, "As do you, Newton."

Gottlieb heads to the door of the lab but pauses right before he leaves.

As if on cue, Newton says, "Hey. You don't have to be alone tonight."

Hermann turns, eyes glinting in the light. Newton's struck with the idea to kiss those cheekbones to high heaven.

"Oh? Then I won't."  
\---  
"You'd do that for me--- with me?"  
"Oh, well, with world wide destruction a certain alternative, do I really have a choice?"  
\---  
It's a drumbeat, a crescendo of a new type of rhythm as Hermann's tongue investigates Newt's mouth. They've reached their shared quarters in record time. 

"Mmph," sighs Newton, but it dies in the back of his throat. 

Gottlieb's fingers thrust themselves into that dumb brown, spiky hair and he pulls the tuffs in a single fist. 

A moan rips out from Geizsler's mouth, yet Hermann doesn't stop there. 

"I've loved you, you know, for a long while." 

He yanks his mouth from Newton's at the same time as he yanks the man's head back, revealing the ripe flesh to bite and suckle.

"You're insufferable," he whispers, leaning down to feast and mark skin. For a brief moment, Hermann looks to be like a man that has spent years roaming the desert and finally gotten the chance to drink water. ( And he's leaving hickeys along Newt's neck in that same rabid fashion, as well. )

Meanwhile, Newton is so red and panting so much that the poor man looks to be dying of heatstroke. His eyes shut while he groans at the lovebites.

"I've... loved... you... too..." he huffs, unable to keep a clear and coherent thought in his mind while Hermann licks along his nerve endings like that.

Hermann pulls up from Newton's slick skin and presses a kiss to the man's open, gaping mouth.

"God, Newton. Why didn't we do this before?" 

"I don't know, Herms. But... Please, don't stop."

Gottlieb doesn't, especially as they fall onto the mattress and spend a nice long while investigating each other's bodies.  
\---  
Hong Kong has always been a beautiful place. Though there's the odd group of people here and there that usually want to harm others, it's good and has great food. 

And it has a hidden musical culture that Newton loves.

The nightclub looks more blue in the light, and Hermann isn't with him. He never goes to the club. Newton wouldn't even be able to pay him to do so.

It could be the music, or it could be something worse. Newt is never really sure.

Like most things these days, it's a blur of fast music and dancing--- but it doesn't feel right without his drift partner there.

When he shows up at home, Hermann is shaking and shivering against the couch. He's paler than he's seen last, and there's a sickly pallor to him that makes Newt's stomach turn. 

"Hey, Handsome."

"Newton," he whispers, and all Newton can do to prevent himself from launching in Herm's direction is by grabbing a blanket. He meanders over, presses a kiss to the man's forehead, and wraps him in the blanket, tight. He takes note of the coffee cup on the table.

"You're feeling sick again?"

"Yes. It is getting worse by the day."

Newton hums. He sits down beside the man and hugs him tight. 

Hermann's eyelashes flutter for a single moment before he leans into the biologist with a frown.  
\---  
"Dear Hermann,  
I like to imagine how great it'll be when I finally meet you. I bet you a dollar, I'll end up hugging you."  
\---  
When Newton wakes, Hermann is gone. In fact, there's no indication that the man was even there that night. The blanket he wrapped him in is folded gently on the back of the chair. 

The coffee cup is nowhere to be seen. It isn't even in the cupboard.

Something twists in Newton's gut.  
\---  
He isn't in the lab, either.

Where is Hermann?  
\---  
It's the first time they've met. They're both the same age: 28. They've shared letters and gotten to know each other intimately. And yet, in person, there's a frown line in Hermann's forehead that makes Newton frown, too.

"Dr. Hermann Gottlieb? Hermann?"

The shorter man's eyes rake along the other's form, and for a brief second, Hermann can feel himself being memorized for fantasies. Cheekbones. Strong jawline. Chiseled perfection. Intelligent eyes. Lanky. 

"Yes. Newton?"

He, too, takes a turn to commit this to memory. Short. Stocky. Soft features. Smile lines. 

"Yeah. Yeah, it's me, buddy."

A beat. To clear up the tension, Newton starts blabbering.

"You're not what I expected, you know. I kinda expected more of a Dr. Ian Malcolm from Jurassic Park."

Hermann's face inmediately drops, and so does Newt's chances of admitting his feelings, then and there.

"Sorry to disappoint. Well, I assumed you'd be taller," quips Hermann.

"I'm tall enough!"

"Without help?"

They argue for some time, agreeing to never speak to each other ever again.  
\---  
Pan Pacific Defense Corps Seminar:  
The Drift and You.

"When one Drifts with another, it is common to experience memories from both viewpoints simultaneously."

Hermann rolls his eyes as he realizes he's sat himself next to Dr. Newton Geiszler. They speak again.

The next day, they find out they are lab partners.  
\---  
"It won't work. You'll kill yourself!"  
"Or I wanna be a rockstar."  
\---  
"Hey," he whispers, slipping into the lab, watching as the man moves from chalkboard to chalkboard, writing down various equations.

"Hello," says Hermann, as if he hadn't just been deathly ill the night before. 

"Did you lay with me on the couch last night?"

The mathematician turns at the accusation, brow quirking, fingers pausing on chalk. There's something off with Hermann's facial features. He looks darker, like he'd dipped himself in ink, and it had stained the browns of his eyes black.

"No, Newton. You must be dreaming things. Why would I get that close to you? Honestly!"

He goes back to work, and Newton shivers. The wrong feeling settles around his neck like a noose. 

Hermann's always loved getting close to him, even when he hadn't.  
\---  
"Star Trek is not better than Star Wars. You're just pretentious."

"Maybe so, Newton. Maybe so."  
\---  
"Herms."

Newton arrives home, again, to find Hermann on the couch. He's staring ahead at the tv in the room, and it casts a long shadow on the wall, one that slowly morphs into a different, non-human shape.

"... Are you going to lie to me again like you did today?"

"Newton. I've figured out something that you must know."

"I'm all ears, buddy."

"There is something very wrong with me."

The shadow on the wall starts creeping down, slithering like some monstrous being would. Newton doesn't even notice as it wraps its hands around Hermann's neck.

"I don't believe that."

"I'm not myself anymore."

"PFT."

"I've been losing time. Then it occurred to me. We don't even have a linear time clock that we follow. I see you when I see you. And I don't know 'when' when is."  
\---  
Hermann cradles Newton's body close.  
"You're such an idiot," he chastises, placing his lips to the man's scalp. "I can't even believe you. Drifting with a Kaiju! You're lucky you're not dead."

Newton's fingers pull at Herm's crisp, white shirt and sweater.

"I know. I know. Just stay with me for a while."

"As you like."  
\---  
The shadow hands clasp firmly around Hermann's neck, and then suddenly, before he can speak another word, he's gasping for air. 

The world is thrust upon its axis as images propel themselves into Newton's mind: a white room, then a yellow tank full of liquid and a Kaiju brain. Screaming Asians--- are they in Hong Kong still? He can't tell.

The merging of Jaeger tech and Kaiju blood.  
\---  
"We're going to end the world, Madame Shao."

"You dare ruin my life's work?"

"Like Herms and I always say--- of course! And we'll do it together."

"You are not Dr. Gottlieb and Dr. Geiszler."

"Yeah, sweetcheeks, I guess you could say that."

"We are worse than them. After all, they drifted with a Kaiju, did they not?"

"God, it was so easy. They're stuck in their own heads, unable to move, unable to get out. Penned up like the pigs they are. Like the entire human race will be."  
\---  
Their lips mesh: hot, hard, teeth clacking against each other's. They tumble into bed and tangle up into one.

Hermann has never felt so alive.  
\---  
Herm's eyes convey the most love and affection that Newton has ever seen. No amount of trying to reach for the man draws him near. Not until the color and breath has drained from Gottlieb. He can finally pull the man close.

Tears blanket his vision.

"Stay with me, Herms. Please."

There is a long millennia of silence, then the body in his arms goes slack before it disappears entirely. As it fades, Newton tries desperately to understand this change in the law of physics, and then it hits him. This entire time, they've been in the Drift. Dying. The Precursors have been winning. They've been clinging onto each other through their greatest mistake, the greatest thing they did that binded them together.

Unable to go on, and without someone to keep him grounded, the world around him begins to fall apart. As Newton Geiszler succumbs to the mental strain, he falls into the nothingness the Drift now holds. 

A memory pulls at the back of his mind as he slips. It had been when they were drunk on the ecstasy of winning the war, on the first drift, love, and on whiskey. Hermann had pressed his forehead to Newt's, reeled in close.

"I'm so glad I wrote you those letters. I don't know where this journey may take us yet. The future is bright. And do remember---if all else fails, Newton, I will find you in the Drift."

**Author's Note:**

> Lol I hate myself for writing this  
> Did u want feels


End file.
